In five and a half hours not only will I be heading to Egypt, but I will be heading into a new year. You see all these quizzes and questions like: What are your best memories? What do you reget? Most craziest thing you've done? Did you fall in love? Did you lose someone you close to you?
Honestly, it's hard for me to look back and remember this past year. I want to say that I did/went through a lot. And yet another part of me can't remember it. I guess with a thought like that I can say that this year has been...interesting. I know I came back to Andrews with more of an open mind about it realizing that this was where I was suppose to be. That I chose to go there, no one made me. I have great memories of working late nights at the dairy, and going on awesome road trips down to Southern. Haha never thought I would drive ten hours two weekends in a row. And yet even though I was feeling better about Andrews going to Southern opened some doors that well, will never be answered. I made new friends, wrecked my car, and started getting over someone all in one weekend. (crazy weekend) I made the decision that a year off was definetly needed. And that's probably one of the best decisions that I'll ever make in my life. I can't even imagine what things would be like if I was back in the states. Then again there probably wouldn't be much difference. I remember thinking how glad I was that '09 was over with. And yes I was, but are years really different from each other? I mean yes we choose how our years /life are going to be (for the most part) but some things just never change. Family problems are always around, friends always make stupid choices, and sometimes when we fall down we aren't always able to get back up as quick as we thought we could. Hearts are still cut. I guess in the long run, I still don't feel like I know where my life is headed. I have such amazing, smart, talented people, who can do ANYTHING. And then I think...what can I do? I'm not a genius, I can't save lives, I can't compose music, I'm not good at everything like some people. I mean what's the point?
I pray that during this year I can gain some wisdom and insight. That my heart will soften, so that I wont lose the family that I have. To be able to breathe and be happy with where I'm at. To trust that God wont abandon me like I feel so many have. To not have my heart broken; by family, friends, or anyone else. Maybe this is childish to wish (yep, pretty sure it is) but I don't know what else to do. I wish that things could go back to how they use to, with my family, with you and me. But some wishes never come true. So goodbye 2010, you've given me great memories and heartaches. 2011...bring it.
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