So as of right now I have a lot of women in my life. Not only do I have my friends and family, but I also have 46 others that I interact with on a daily basis. For the women back at home (Mom and Grandma) I don't talk with them often. And yet even though I am so far away they still have an impact on my day and therefore my life. Some of these ladies have no respect and therefore disrespect authority on a daily basis. Some are so bad that they lead us to the feeling of pulling out our hair, among other things.
Now to be honest: I've been very content not having much connection with home. I'm not homesick nor have I ever been homesick. That includes missing my parents and other family members. I'm sure that this sounds horrible, but it's true. I was raised to be independent and that has happened. My mother knows this, though sometimes she regrets that she has raised me so; but still. Another reason why I don't really want to talk with my mom is because of an incident that happened days before I left for Kenya. When this happened the final string was broken and I felt that is was time to really move on with my life and to stop trying to always please the people around me. I have a life and I need to live it, I can't do that by staying at home and trying to fix problems that I never made to begin with. (I'm realizing I'm starting to rant and I hope that no one takes this personally this is just my blog with my thoughts.) I can't change the past! As much as I wish I could at times, all there is, is the present which we have to deal with, and the future which we can have a say in how it turns out.
I found out today that my mom was in a car accident during the week. Even though I feel that my mom and I are on different terms, and even though sometimes she feels as if I am "divorcing" myself from her, the tears were very easy to come. I called my Grandma at 3 in the morning (bless her soul) and she was able to fill me in a little, which is better than none. I still haven't been able to get a hold of her, so I don't know how bad it is, or how bad it isn't. But I guess I'll hear from her in time.
My friends who were task force workers and past SM's have told me that while I'm far away things still are going to keep going, and that I'll find myself wondering how to get back in the swing of things once I get back. I'm realizing that even now some. There are events happening at home that I'm just now hearing about that happened a month ago! I know that I'm not going to know everything, and I don't want to! But I do want to know if a loved one is hurt, I want to know that my Grandparents are making it. I want to know that my brother isn't partying to much that it will end badly. I want to know how my Dad is doing with diabetes, and that he is taking breaks when he is over working himself. I want to know when a friend is suicidal and that I can be praying for them. I want to know when my mom raps her car around a telephone pole!.........I want, I want...*sigh*
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