Friday, October 15, 2010

Breathe in...breathe out.

First off, God is good. He has blessed me so much this week that I don't even think I can remember them all. I was still pretty shaky coming back from my weekend on. Actually to be quite honest I felt like throwing in the towl. "Why am I here?" "There's no point to me being here when I'm not even making a difference."" These thoughts among others were drifting around in my head. It really scared me cause unfortunetly I was feeling as if the whole dorm had done something to me, and that I was angry in a way at all of them. But like I said, God never stopped blessing me. I called my dad that weekend which was really helpful. Aftering being a Dean for so many years, I can say that he had many words of wisdom.  I also recieved my first two letters! One was from my great friend Ashley Boyko. The other was from the 4th grade Sabbath school class at PMC. It was great to see all there sloppy signatures on the card :)
Tuesday was our Town Day which I was really looking forward too. I have felt like I haven't really seen much of the area around me but Tuesday was awesome! We went to Karen Blixens home and took a tour.
We were all running around like goof balls taking pictures, it was a lot of fun. After we went to the Kazuri bead factory. This is a factory where jobs are given to women from around the area, there are now 350 women working there. The beads and such were beautiful. Jess, Germeen, and I are planning on going back to do some suvineer shopping :) After we went to the Mamba village. This is like a little theme park where they have horse riding, animals to see, boat rides, and rides for little kids. I held a crocodile! It was awesome! Later we were shown ostiches, a giraffe, and camels. Which by the way I got to ride :) Definetly not a horse, but still so much fun. Even though the day was great and I need it so badly as soon as I walked on to campus that night I felt this weight on my shoulders. I felt agitated and that I didn't want to be there. The last thing I wanted to see or hear were the girls. I went to bed that night with a moody attitude and definetly woke up that way. FYI, this is not a good thing.
Amazingly I got an e-mail from my best friend Genie. It was so random cause she and I havn't really talked since I've been out here. But in the email she said she was just checkin on me and gave me about 5 different Bible verses. All of which were exactly what I needed! I felt like God was directly talking to me as I went down the list and read each one. When I wrote her back and told her what had happened and replied, " I don't know, I guess it was just one of those God things. I just felt that I needed to write you." As I think about it now my heart feels light with His love.
I know that I am here for a reason, for what that reason is I don't know. But God does. And I'm realizing that trusting Him is the only thing I can do. Though this is quite hard for me at times I know that he's got my back (like a bra strap :)) and that He knows what He's doing. The week from there has gone quite well. I actually feel like most of my relationships with the girls have grown in little ways. And they aren't walking all over me which I was worried they'd try to do. I even got a note on notes night :)
And we now have 31 girls in the dorm for it is open weekend this weekend. No plans are really set for this weekend. Maybe go to the hot springs tomorow, and then to the All Saints Cathedral to hear a choir in town. So after all this I can breathe in, and I can breathe out. It's good to finally rest.

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