Thursday, May 26, 2011

It's Hard to Believe

Today is the last full day of school. There will never be another Thursday of regular classes again. Well at least for me. I'm sitting in the office with Switchfoot playing in the background, a long with Kesly singing in the hallway and Karen talking about what she wants to do during summer. We got our year books today. I think this is the most excited I've been over a year book since I graduated high school. From what I've seen they're pretty nice (props to Miss Jess :))
I'm so glad that I came to Kenya. I'm so glad I let God lead me here. When I look back over the year I can see how I have changed so much. The two biggest lessons that I have learned are 1. to let go and 2. to be patient. Now granted, patience doesn't exactly run in the family but I think I'm getting a better handle on it. Haha at least I hope so. I love the relationships that I have built here. I love the students. I've seen a love between some of them and I especially this week with things coming to a close. Part of me wishes that they would come to Andrews so we could just chill and hang out, talk about nothing. Haha but then again I don't think I would have enough chocolate to hold Winta over for more than 2 years.
Letting go is one of hardest things that I think someone can face. It's scary and lonely. But I'm glad that I've made it through that stage. I'm glad that I've let go so that I can now see what's in front of me. Which I think could be a good thing. Granted just because we let go, doesn't mean there wont be anymore problems. There has been a lot of things that have come up for me within the last year too. Decisions and choices that will forever affect my future. Some things I don't want to deal with, but I know I have too.
It's good to feel this way. It's good to feel happy again. I haven't felt just silly happy for a long time. I love life, and I love the one that God has given me. I love that the warm sunshine makes me happy. That I can be singing in the copy room and people know that it's me. I love hearing Zivah scream that shrill baby yell in the office. I love how Sabrina comes in my office and just chills on the couch and talks about the most random-est things.
Before I came here I was so scared that life would move on without me. That I would be left behind. And for awhile I felt like that. But the thing is, the people that really are my friends and that really care aren't going anywhere. They aren't leaving me behind. And for that, I'm going to be a bridesmaid :)
The thing about letting go, is that we have the chance to start over. If we didn't like how things were before we can change it. If there was something about ourselves that was negative we can work on it to make it better. And if there once was someone who broke your heart, there's someone who can help put it back together. And FYI He's pretty cool.
This is my last Thursday on. But with all these lasts...I'm looking forward to all the firsts :)

Monday, May 9, 2011

It's Finally Hit Me

So it's finally hit 44 days I will be leaving this beautiful place and landing on my own soil. Honestly, I'm amazed that all this has happened to me. I am amazed that God could send! Kenya to do His work. Granted there have been times when I wonder if I really am doing His work, but as Debbie reminded me, I can't see it now but one day I will.
When it actually hit me was last night, when the girls were getting ready for JS (Junior Senior banquet). I remembered mine, and taking pictures in the back yard with Jake. Going bowling, and posing with paintings. Taking tons of pictures with my class. And it just made me realize that the year is practically over with! I now know for a fact that I will be tearing up all graduation weekend, especially on graduation day.
Ya know even though this year has been tough, we forget those and remember the good. I had forgotten some of the events I've had with girls, with being called demon when ever I walked by. I forget them because I remember the fun, silly times I have with them.
It is also hitting me that when I get back, things ARE going to be different. I know, I know, I've been hearing this all year but due to some recent news it's true. I'm looking forward to being with my brother and dad and spending more time with the. For me, I feel like it's time to move on from home. It's time to start my life...haha an who ever would have thought it would be in MI?! But ya know what? I have more of an open mind than I did when I first went, and I do have some amazing friends there, who I can not WAIT to see :) It's gonna be good this year, I can feel it.
But yea...44 days. Man, they are gonna go by so quick. I better get on to bye gifts for everyone haha

Saturday, May 7, 2011

My Family

Tonight we had a going away for the Sandavol family. This family is amazing. Eisia runs the hostel, where they live, while her devoted husband works (I believe) though the ECD. They have two wonderful children, Francheska and Ronit. The sweetest, Jesus loving kids you will ever meet. They have been here for four years, but now now chosen to move to the Phils for work and school.
While we were in the library waiting for the family to arrive, I scanned the room looking at everyone present. Most of the adults were sitting in chairs chatting and laughing, while the kids were running around being animals. I couldn't help but feel this swelling feeling in my chest. This is my family. For the last ten months they have been there for me. To encourage, uplift, wipe my tears, give me hugs, make me pull my hair out, and roll my eyes. They are my support. They are my friends. I couldn't help but think about how in a few weeks we would be back in this position only now, the people who would be leaving would be us (the SM's).
I'm ready to go home, but I wish I could pack these people away in my suitcase and bring them back with me. Especially the Raymonds, Crutchers, and Doss's.
The other thought I had was how nice it would be to have this in my family one day. I've always wanted a big family, where everyone gets together for the holidays and birthdays. Where there is utter chaos and noise. But people who love you no matter what. I think about Eisia and Ronald and see how devoted and in love with each other they are and I pray I will have that one day. I look at their kids and see how much they love God and I hope my kids can have that close relationship too.
I'm going to miss my family here in Kenya. But the great thing is...I know that they will always be there for me. Just because I'm leaving soon doesn't mean that I am going to lose them. And that puts a smile on my face.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Not a Good Week

I don't know what the deal is, but this is just not my week. This past weekend was really good, very busy but good. We had international night on Sunday, which left me really missing home and yet still very proud of all the girls that participated. Sunday was also really hard though too because it was the day that my class was graduating from Southern. As in, the plan was for ME to be graduating on Sunday as well. And well...obviously I haven't graduated and obviously not from Southern. I just feel that life is passing my by. That life is rolling for everyone else whether it is graduating, starting a new job, getting married/ engaged. I feel like I'm stick not moving.
My attitude doesn't help any, I know. Everything is just starting to bug me now. Germeen reminded me that both teams are on this weekend, I was ready to punch the wall. Ants got into my box of Honey Nut Cheerios that Debbie sent me and I about burst into tears. As Sabrina told me today, " yea pretty much I want to stay in my room and see no one. It's just too emotionally draining." Amazingly she hit the nail on the head. I want to stay in my room all day. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone.
What a good dean, hu? Why is it that everyone is moving on, but me? I know that God has this great plan for me, but right now I'm in a pit. I'm scared of that great plan getting ruined by myself of others. But worst of all I'm scared I may not reach it.
The only way for things to change is for me to change my attitude; therefor, positive things this week.
1) Amazingly fun and funny: Americans trying to line dance
2) Started 2nd month of Insanity and totally loving it, even though it's kicking my butt
3) Thankful to Katie and Debbie for letting me cry on there shoulders when needed.
4) Only 31 days till graduation: 48 days till I'm in the US
5) Lots of rain = very green Kenya
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."