Packages and Blessings

Nature Valley granola bars -check

Chewy granola bars - check

2 boxes of Wheat Thins - double check

Butterfingers and Kit-Kats - check

2 bags of mint M & M's - check, check

Bath and Body Works make up bag with lotion and "the best lip balm" - check

A Christmas candle - check

"Honestly, I'm Struggling by Heather Bohlender - check

These lovely items greeted me yesterday (Friday) evening. Debbie is one of the sweetest ladies I know, and I am truly blessed to have her in my life. Not only does the thought make me smile, but the items (especially the mint M & M's) make my stomach happy too. 

My Dad had told me about the book "Honestly, I'm Struggling" when I first arrived here in Kenya. It had peaked my intrust, but with everything going on with the sem it wasn't the first thing on my mind. Since starting it this morning, I haven't been able to put it down. I'm afraid that I am reading it too fast to really get an understanding for it. But it's a great book! I'm sitting here reading it and I'm thinking, "I can relate! I know what you're talking about!" The desire to go home. Feeling like I'm not making a difference, or that I am failing at my job. That even though this is a year with God, that sometimes I still find myself running from Him and questioning Him....I can relate. I think that every SM who is out in the field should read this book during their year away. I think that it will strengthen and encourage them, even them in small ways. Even though this is a huge world somehow at times we tend to fill if we are alone. I know I've felt that being here in Kenya at times. But it's nice to be reminded that I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

I just feel so blessed. The first day started out hard but I'm realizing that the more I give my problems and desires over to God the less I have to worry about. I found this verse, I think it's from the Message, and I really like how it's phrased. 

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat- I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and Ill show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self- sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, you're true self." ~Luke 9:23,24

Within the last couple of weeks I have really felt a change in me. I think it all began at Watamu. There were nights when I was there that I just felt so alone and wanting things to be different. I mean how can someone feel alone when you're on a trip with 30 some people and on a beautiful beach? I felt alone and empty. But after having some good time to myself and time with God I realized that there's nothing He can't do, and that if I want to let of my problems that I can, because He's their to take them for me. I don't know...I just feel like I have a new trust in God. Haha I feel like this isn't making sense but oh well, sometimes things aren't suppose too I guess.