I'm sitting here in my room with the realizations of my life crashing against me like the waves on a beach. How is it that sometimes we can feel so close to God, and we feel that He is here for us and yet in those late hours of the night when we feel most vulnerable it is so hard to feel Him. Why isn't He here?
And then I go to thinking about people who have comforted me in the past and I so wish that they could be here for me. I wish I could be in their arms, just crying my eyes out. With their chin on my head, not saying anything just being there. I wish they were here so bad right now. I have people here that care and want to help, but how can I let out my frustrations and tears without telling to much that in my mind, could hurt my family? I can't help but want someone here who knows my past, and what I've been through. And yet, God knows everything's....but why can't I feel His arms around me? I know I can pick up the phone and call family, but they don't want to hear about. They've had too much of it themselves that they are done. They don't want to face the realizations that I am facing now, because they have faced them once before and that's enough for them. I don't blame them. It's hard walking through a door that's already been closed. I just wish you were here, oh how I wish.
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