Change

"Life is change, growth is optional. Choose wisely." ~ Unknown

This is my favorite quote. It's one that I have re-read many times through out the last couple of years. It's helped me realize many times that if I want to grow as a person, as a Christian, and a friend, and daughter that I need to be able to change.
Everyone has told me that I shouldn't expect things to be the same when I get back to the states. That I'll have changed, matured, and will be a different person. But what about everyone else? What about the family that is now actually ending? What about the parents who are going on different paths that have never been walked upon before? I hate the fact that I wont see the change in me until I am in a different place, and with different people. I want to see it now! Staff here have asked me what it's going to be like for us when we SM's get back to the states. And I think for a lot of us, we don't have an answer, because we don't have a clue. I've never liked going into something without having an idea of what's ahead of me. I like change, but only when I'm ready for it. When I have prepared myself for all the possible bad and good situations that can happen.
Before I came here I went and visited my friends in TN. I remember crying in Trevors kitchen the night before I had to leave for Cali. I remember crying to Jared telling him how scared I was that everyone was going to move on with out me and that I would be left. Now I'm scared of going back because I have to fit into the unknown. I have to see if I really was left or if things didn't change as much as I thought that they would. I don't know...we'll just have to see if I'm open to growing and change.

....I don't think I want to be.