After being jumped on Tuesday, checking girls out of there rooms and today sending home one of my seniors (aka not graduating) things are starting to hit me. And I don't like it.
For the past couple of weeks Jess has been talking to me about going home. Sharing with me her fears and what she's worried about. How even though we are going home, we aren't going "home." She is reading this book that mentions how home is where we are comfortable at. And well....I'm comfortable here. This is home.
Everything is going to be different when we get back. Sure there are some friends where we will fall right into step with, others...it's going to take awhile. My biggest fear is that people are going to try and be apart of my time here in Kenya. They are going to try and come into my life here. And they can't! They can't see what I've seen. They can't meet the people I've met. They can't know the ups and downs, the heartache and tears, the laughs and jokes that I have here with these girls. They just can't understand it!
I'm ready to see people back in the states, but I'm not ready to leave this place and these peoples. Especially certain ones that have been THE ones to be there for me...I'm going to be crying my eyes out.
Any time Jess and I have talked about this in the past I've just nodded my head, uh hu, yea, sure...type of responses. But now, it's starting to stick. Now I have to face reality. And the reality is...I don't want to leave home.