Monday, June 6, 2011

Questions, questions, and more questions

Germeen left today. Jess is leaving tomorrow with her family till the 19th. Thomas and Tomiko are leaving the 14th. Tyson leaves on the 19th and then Jessica and I will leave on the 21st. Aka two weeks come tomorrow. I'm walking around this campus with few students left. It's weird to think that I need to start cleaning out my room and cleaning the house. To start taking things down in the dorm that I once put up in anticipation for the students to come. Realizing that I'm going to have the house all to myself in a couple of hours. Realizing that in a matter of weeks I will be walking back into a society that I once fit into and now I feel out of the mold.
I feel that I've always been a strong individual. I know who I am, and what I believe in.I know that God is always by my side, and that some sweat and elbow grease never hurt anyone. That we need to love the ones that we are blessed with while we have them. And yet...why am I wondering who I am? A part of me feels more scared now about going back to school then when I first went off to Southern. I'm going to have to re-establish myself to a place that I left with a bitter heart. A place that I didn't want to be at in the first place.
I'm going back as a 22 year old Animal Science major. I'm going back knowing what I want to do but apprehensive if I can attain those goals. I'm going back scared, because I don't know what or whom lies ahead of me. After being here I can't say that I really know who I am, because I've always known. And yet I'm going back asking, who am I going to be. Will I be a disappointment to my parents? Will I be a friend to those who once were close to be? Will I be the God fearing women that I've been in Kenya?
I've been told that going off as an SM will change me. But change me into what? Who am I now that I wasn't before? Who am I going to be that I'm not now? I guess only time will tell...

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